Blog #1003 Love and Trust

Blog #1003  Love and Trust

My last blog focused on loving another individual without trying to make that person bad or good in our minds, without condoning painful behaviors and without accepting underserved blame ourselves.  This blog is about love and trust. Love and trust are not the same thing.  While it is wonderful when you can trust those you love that is not always the case.  Love does not imply trust. Sometimes you will hear people assert that “if you really loved me or if you really forgave me, then you would trust me”.  This is not true.  It is something that abusive people often say to the people they have hurt but it is not true. We are commanded by the Savior to love our enemies.  We are also commanded to forgive.  There is no commandment that says we should trust our enemies or trust people who hurt us even though we may love and forgive them.  

For us love and forgiveness are gifts that we can give freely without condition in obedience to the Lord’s commandments.  We give those gifts not based on the merit of the individual but out of a desire to be obedient to the Lord’s will.   Conversely, there is no place in the scriptures where we are commanded to trust those that hurt us. Trust is not a gift that is granted freely without condition.  Trust is earned.  Even God does not trust until trust is earned.

Nephi the son of Heleman was one of the people in the scriptures who earned the Lord’s trust.  In Heleman 10:3-10 the Lord tells Nephi that he has been observing his behavior and has determined that Nephi "will not ask contrary to God’s will".  Because of this Nephi is granted great power.  God desires to give all of His children all that He has but He does not do that until He knows that they "will not ask contrary to His will".  

This can be a model for us that we can use in determining who we can trust.  When we have proven someone over a period of time and know that they "will not ask contrary to our will" we can give them all we have to give.  For example, with our children, when we know that a child "will not ask contrary to our will" then we can leave the younger children in their care.  When we know a child "will not ask contrary to our will" then we can let them use the family car.  When we know someone "will not ask contrary to our will" then we can share the deepest desires of our hearts or our personal resources.  Remember that love and forgiveness can be freely granted as gifts regardless of merit but trust is earned.