Ending the War Against Our Bodies

LifeStyle plays an important role in our ability to have healthy minds. Therapist Carrie Wrigley, LCSW, offers insight on how to make positive life changes, starting from the inside.

The Molecules of Emotion

The Molecules of Emotion
By Candace B. Pert, Ph. D.

The advances in mental health over the past 25 years from both the physiological realm of the body and the psychological realm of the mind have been stunning.  The current research on many fronts effectively negates the artificial split between the psycho and the soma which has its origins in the 1600's.  This split between the mind and the body has continued to be part of Western medicine into the current millennium.  Groundbreaking research which would ultimately prove this artificial split to be false was conducted in the 1980's by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D. .  She describes her work and her fascinating journey into the world of science and emotion in her book, The Molecules of Emotion. 

The idea that there is a split between the mind and the body is a concept that does not exist in other cultures.  In Western Medicine this split came about because of a decision of the Pope in response to a request from Rene Descartes, the founding father of modern medicine.  Descartes asked the Pope for permission from the church to study the body by using deceased bodies for dissection.  Descartes was granted permission to study the "body" but the "mind" was deemed to be the "realm of the church".  That is how the artificial split between the study of the mind and the study of the body began. 

Western medicine first opened itself to the concept of a mind body connection in relation to pain management.  Western medicine had come to the limits of its ability to "block" pain by using medications and in an effort to help those with chronic intense pain began to investigate healing methods from Eastern medicine.  Candace Pert along with her husband at the time Agu Pert, an experimental psychologist, and Larry Ng, co-authored  an article demonstrating that acupuncture stops pain by stimulating the release of endorphins into the cerebrospinal fluid.  It has been discovered that other "alternative" methods are able to allow one's mind to control aspects of the body such as heart rate and body temperature which are functions of the autonomic nervous system and were once believed to be outside the realm of conscious control.

In the mental health arena the advances in neurobiology  and psychotherapy have enabled Western scientists to create constructs which describe the underlying physiological mechanisms of "willpower" and "free will".  Historically the concepts of "willpower" and "free will" were religious concepts and considered to be exclusively the "realm of the church". Even our language implies that other people "make us angry" or cause us to "get upset".  If it were true that another person or set of circumstances could "make" or "cause" us to feel or to respond in a certain way, we would not have "free will" or the ability to choose.  In reality we do have the power to choose how we feel and respond.  Recent advances demonstrate clearly mechanisms in the body that are activated in the ability to choose.  We choose what we "attend to" or pay attention to.  We have control over how we feel about the events and the experiences of our own lives.  Furthermore, we choose how we respond.  The ability to choose what we pay attention to, how we feel and how we respond are the natural building blocks of positive mental health.

What is your body saying?

Take a moment to listen...

I am the Lungs

I am an important organ because I allow for the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the blood, so your vitality is dependent on me. I am also responsible for distributing Qi around the body and so when I am functioning properly I give sharpness to movements and allow for good reaction times. I also play an important role in releasing attachments to the past as you release each breath. So when you ‘hold on’ to things in your life, your breathing becomes shallow and you feel suffocated and unable to grow.

I am the Wrist

I am a complex character because I have such close ties to the hand, which is one of the most expressive parts of the body. I have to be very flexible and precise which requires a lot of intelligence, so it is little wonder that the stomach controls me. The stomach represents the conscious mind, and so when you start thinking too much and especially when you’re thinking becomes rigid and narrow-minded, then I become rigid. If you can’t ‘stomach’ your life and what is happening around you, then you will start having indigestion and I will ache and degenerate.

I am the Large Intestine

You may think that my only role is to eliminate waste as a result of the digestion of food. I do much more than that. I also eliminate impure thoughts and emotions as a result of our life experience. To do this I am able to generate grief to help you let go and move on. The desire to be in control of every situation leads to the inability to surrender yesterday’s emotions – which you call constipation. When I am functioning properly I allow for the ability to release the past and cleanly enter each day with an open mind.

Thinking about what your body is saying is an important part of the healing process. Take a moment to listen.

Do you, or a loved one, struggle with mental illness? Is there hope? Hope is never lost, according to Jeffery R. Holland of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Believe in miracles and trust that there are happier days ahead. Click here to read more: Like a Broken Vessell

Addiction Recovery Series: Step 3 - Trust in God

Step 3: Trust in God Decide to turn your will and life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. At times life can be tough. Some are born into less than fortunate circumstances. Although we are entitled to a father and mother in this life, not everyone is blessed with a loving, stable or faith promoting home. Throughout our lives we make plans and those plans do not always turn out according to our desires. We may even feel at times as if life is completely stacked against us. Current or past unresolved circumstances can leave us feeling like God does not care or maybe even that He is not there at all. In this video Sharon tells of experiencing feelings like this and how she found it within herself to turn her will and life over to the care of God.


 

For help with LDS Pornography Addiction, visit Bryan Wilde at Advanced Health Clinic

Addiction Recovery Series: Step 2 - Hope

Step 2: Hope 
Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

When we feel guilt there is something deep within us that says, ‘I did something wrong.’ This can be a good internal barometer to guide and help us to become better. But when shame is felt, it brings with it the feeling and belief that, ‘there must be something wrong with me.’ Shame is a companion to addiction and compounds with every failed effort to quit. Eventually, these failed attempts leave a person feeling hopeless and believing that there is no way out. No one sets out to become an addict. It’s not who you are or who you are meant to become. Preston’s Story about Drug Addiction Recovery demonstrates how there is a way back and how our spiritual health can be restored. It is possible to be forgiven and to feel the love of God.


For help with LDS Pornography addiction, please visit us at Advanced Health Clinic

Addiction Recovery Series: Step 1 - Honesty

Step 1: Honesty
Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable. 

Secrecy perpetuates addiction. Unless the secrets are out and properly confronted, the addiction will continue to thrive. Denial of the problem and its affects prevents a person from seeing the way out. But there is a way to get back to who you are at your core, and it begins with honesty. This video demonstrates how secrecy feeds the addiction, leading us far away from others and ourselves. But honesty and admitting powerlessness are the first steps to confronting and overcoming addiction.





For help with LDS Pornography addiction, please visit us at Advanced Health Clinic

Meditation Music for the Soul

Music soothes the soul. Enjoy this wonderful meditation from our favorite musician, Jerald Simon, of Music Motivation. Jerald composed these songs specifically for the clinic to support the healing work we do. Enjoy!

Landscape of the Mind

Do you or a loved one struggle with addiction? This is a great video The Mormon Channel put out on the brain and how addiction actions affects your mind. 

A Season of Gratitude

November is a time for enjoying family, partaking of wonderful, bounteous meals, and of course, being grateful. It has once been said that "Gratitude is the heart's memory." One way to extend, and even grow, your feelings of gratitude is by keeping a gratitude journal.

Keeping a gratitude journal can improve sleep, reduce anxiety and depression, and even help fight off viral infections.

In one study, researchers from the University of California, Davis, asked participants to write down a few sentences each week. Those who focused on things they were grateful for, as opposed to life's hassles or neutral events, reported fewer illnesses, exercised more and felt more optimistic about their lives.

Beginning a Journal 

To begin, get a blank journal to write in. Then keep a mental tally of things you are grateful for throughout the day. Before you go to sleep, write down some thing you are grateful for. This practice doesn't have to take a lot of time - just once sentence will do. But you will notice, that there are times, when you cannot stop writing about the things you feel most grateful for.

To take your journal a step further, consider including a photo, clipping, quote or verse with your note for the day. 

The joy of a gratitude journal comes down the road, when you are having a rough day. Being able to reflect back on the good things, those moments that touched you enough to take note of them, can carry you through even the hardest of days. So begin today!

Complete this Sentence ....

"Today, I am grateful for ..." Let your journey begin!

Greater Inspiration

This is a technique that I have used successfully to help people get more insight and inspiration from their personal scripture study.  It is written for the LDS population but if you are not LDS you can use the same process with an inspirational book of your choice.

When the Book of Mormon prophet, Nephi asked to see the vision that his father had seen an angel of the Lord appeared to him and instructed him to look.  Then the angel asked, "What do you see?" and finally "What does it mean."  This model can be applied to our personal scripture study.  
 
LOOK:  LOOK  in the scriptures and read a few verses.
 
SEE: Write down what you SEE in a verse or passage that seems to stand out or be significant to you. 

MEANS:  Then write what that verse MEANS for you right now in your personal life or in your parenting.

MORE: Next follow the counsel and example of Elder Scott in his October 2009 General Conference address, "To Acquire Spiritual Guidance" which is quoted below and ask the Lord in your mind if there is MORE that he would have you understand from this scriptural passage.

FEEL:  Now record what you FEEL .  Identify if your feelings are consistent with the feelings that confirm truth as defined by the Lord in D&C 11:12-14 in that they have enlighted your mind and filled your soul with joy.

DO: There may also be impressions regarding what the Lord would have you DO.  President Henry B. Eyring has noted that "…the effect of sincere prayer and of careful scripture study is to always feel an urging to do things."  To Draw Closer To God, Deseret Book Co., Salt Lake City: 1997, p. 151

Elder Richard G. Scott, "To Acquire Spiritual Guidance," October 2009 General Conference

"…strong impressions began to flow to me again. I wrote them down…. I sought a more private location, where I continued to write the feelings that flooded into my mind and heart as faithfully as possible. After each powerful impression was recorded, I pondered the feelings I had received to determine if I had accurately expressed them in writing. As a result, I made a few minor changes to what had been written. Then I studied their meaning and application in my own life.
Subsequently I prayed, reviewing with the Lord what I thought I had been taught by the Spirit. When a feeling of peace came, I thanked Him for the guidance given. I was then impressed to ask, "Was there yet more to be given?" I received further impressions, and the process of writing down the impressions, pondering, and praying for confirmation was repeated. Again I was prompted to ask, "Is there more I should know?" And there was. When that last, most sacred experience was concluded, I had received some of the most precious, specific, personal direction one could hope to obtain in this life. Had I not responded to the first impressions and recorded them, I would not have received the last, most precious guidance.

What I have described is not an isolated experience. It embodies several true principles regarding communication from the Lord to His children here on earth. I believe that you can leave the most precious, personal direction of the Spirit unheard because you do not respond to, record, and apply the first promptings that come to you." 

The Power of Gratitude

Daniel G. Amen M.D., http://www.amenclinics.com/  has done extensive research on blood flow patterns in the brain using SPECT imaging.  He found that employing gratitude changes the blood flow patterns in the brain in two specific ways.  In research with Noelle Nelson, the author of The Power of Appreciation, he scanned her brain after mediating for 30 minutes on things she was grateful for in her life and again after spending several days focusing on major fears in her life.  The scans showed significant ddifferences in blood flow to the cerebellum and to the left temporal lobe.  The frightful brain showed seriously decreased activity in the cerebellum which is the part of the brain involved in physical coordination such as walking or playing sports.  There is also new research that shows the cerebellum to be involved in processing speed like clock speed on the computer so when there in decreased blood flow to this region people will tend to be clumsier and less able to think their way out of problems.  The left temporal lobe is involved with memory, temper control and mood so decreased blood flow in this part of the brain is associated with memory problems, depression, violence and dark thoughts.  Dr. Amen therefore asserts that "practicing gratitude literally helps you have a brain to be grateful for".  See  Change Your Brain, Change Your Body, page 229.  He also quotes Dr. Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness and director of University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center as asserting that happiness is not determined by your genes but can be cultivated.  According to Dr Seligman showing gratitude on a daily basis is one of the keys to increased joy, happiness and life satisfaction.
 In your efforts to help another person it may not be effective to simply tell them to be grateful.  Rather you may want to listen empathically long enough to understand the situation and then ask the person who is suffering how they have been able to endure.  Ask them what they are "hanging on to" or what has strengthened them and enabled them to go on.  By doing this you may be able to help them identify something that they truly are grateful for in the midst of the difficulty they are facing. This can be a beginning of reintroducing into their life the very positive physical, mental, emotional and spiritual effects of gratitude.

A Change in Our Very Natures





“And so God has made possible for you and me this blessing, a change in our very natures.”  What an incredible blessing a change so profound that it effects our very nature.  What could possibly effect such a change.  The year was 1989 and these words were spoken as part of an address in the October General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by Elder Henry B. Erying who was at that time a member of the presiding bishopric of the church.  The subject of his talk was “Remembrance and Gratitude”.

There was another promise made in that same discourse that effected me profoundly.  The two promises are related.  He said, “You can have an experience with the Holy Ghost today.”  That statement struck me profoundly because at that time I was suffering from clinical depression and had not felt the Spirit for some time.

My first response was not to be happy or hopeful but to be angry.  How could he stand up in front of millions of people and make such a promise.  He did not know me or my situation or the situation of countless others who perhaps weren’t even members of the church or any church for that matter.  How did he know if his listeners even believed in God?  Still somewhere deep inside me there still burned the desire to believe.  I did not understand how he could make such a promise.  I did not see how it could be true.  But I did, in the words of Alma, “desire to believe” (Alma 32:27).

We had recorded the conference and I played the video of Elder Eyring’s address over and over.  I studied and committed to memory the words, the inflection, the way he mounted the podium and the movement of his hands and head as he spoke.  I wanted to believe that such a thing was possible.  I wanted to feel the Spirit again in my life.  I wanted a change in my very nature.

Being able to feel the Spirit was so important to me because of an earlier experience I had with a conference address of the late President Spencer W. Kimball.  The year was 1975.  I was at that time the mother of four small children.  Both my husband and I were strong and active in the church.  I was the Primary President and my husband was the Elder’s Quorum President in our ward.  But something was wrong.  I could not honestly approach my neighbors and encourage them to join the church because I was not happy.  I reasoned that I was doing everything I could think of to live the gospel and keep the commandments so either I was “wrong” or the church was wrong.  I needed to know.

In President Kimball’s address he had listed a number of things he hoped the saints were doing.  I thought I was doing pretty well according to the list until he got to the part about personal scripture study and keeping a journal.  I determined to begin and was surprised as the weeks progressed that I was able to feel the Spirit so strongly in my little private study time.  It felt just like a good church meeting and yet I was all alone with the Lord.

       

It was then that an idea occurred to me that would change my life.  I determined to see how I could keep  Spirit with me as I moved into my daily chores.  The first task was to see if I could wake up my family without losing the Spirit.  That took about two weeks to accomplish.  I found that the Spirit would withdraw if I thought or said or did anything that offended the Lord.  The things that offend the Spirit and cause it to withdraw are listed in D&C 121:37.  They are covering our sins, satisfying our pride and vain ambition and exercising compulsion or dominion over the souls of men in any degree of unrighteousness.  Over time I learned from my own experience that when the Spirit left I had done something that fit into one of these three categories.  The Spirit withdrew if I attempted to cover my sins by blaming my children, spouse or others for things I was really responsible for like creating order in my life and making adequate preparation.  The Spirit withdrew if I attempted to satisfy my pride and vain ambition by trying to “look good” to the person sitting behind me at church rather than focusing on what the Spirit was directing me to do with my children.  The Spirit also withdrew if I attempted to compel obedience.  I knew, of course, that compelling people to be good was Satan’s plan in the beginning but sometimes it was so tempting.

Eventually I did learn to wake my family without losing the Spirit and to move through breakfast, family prayer, scripture study, getting dressed, brushing teeth and daily chores.  Those years were the best years with the fondest memories of my life and yet when I heard Elder Eyring’s talk I was depressed…virtually without hope.  I knew, however, that if I could feel the Spirit – if I could “have an experience with the Holy Ghost today” – as Elder Eyring promised then I could begin again.  I could start the process of sorting out with the Spirit what was right and wrong.  Perhaps only those who share the experience of clinical depression can understand how things that once seemed so clear like right and wrong could come to seem so confusing and hopeless.

Elder Erying said that the key was gratitude.  He said that the Lord teaches us by our experience.  He encouraged us to look for a touch of the Lord’s hand in our own experience and then return thanks to him for his goodness.  He promised that if we would do that the truth of what we recognized as the Lord’s hand in our lives would be confirmed by the power of the Holy Ghost.  He also said that the Holy Ghost would bring to our remembrance other evidences of the Lord’s hand in our lives.  If we chose to return thanks for the new remembrance the confirmation of the Spirit would be repeated.  Elder Eyring was right.  It was a slow process for me but finally through the darkness of despair the truth of the Lord’s hand in my life broke through with illuminating light.  This did not happen just once but became a pattern, a process that eventually led me out of the depression.  It also led me to an understanding about the biological, social and psychological aspects of mental illness.  Spiritual understanding was the first great key for me which eventually led me to discover other knowledge.

Interestingly the pattern Elder Eyring helped me recognize is the same pattern which is evident in Nephi’s lament after the death of Father Lehi.  Many of us may have wondered at Nephi’s exclamation as recorded in 2 Nephi 4:17.  Nephi is the hero, the strong one, the leader and now he records, “Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth:  O wretched man that I am!”  No, Nephi is not mentally ill although those who have experience depression might recognize the pathos in his words.  Depression is a natural part of the grieving process.  Father Lehi’s death besides creating the normal feelings we know to be part of loss also brought to a head Nephi’s conflicts with his older brothers.  Laman and Lemuel claimed leadership of the family because of birth order and yet, Nephi, the fourth son, because of personal righteousness had been given the birthright blessing.  In 2 Nephi 4:18-19 Nephi continues his lament.  “I am encompassed about, because of the temptation and the sins which do so easily beset me.  And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins…”  It is at this point that Nephi begins to follow the pattern I learned from Elder Eyring.  He starts to remember and recount past evidences of the Lord’s hand in his life.  2 Nephi 4:19 ends with Nephi saying …nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.”

The following verses start to recount his remembrance of the Lord’s hand in his life beginning in the wilderness.  “My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.  He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh, He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me” (2 Nephi 4:20-22).

Remembering his enemies renews the struggle in verses 26-27.  “O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?  And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?  Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?  Why am I angry because of mine enemy? 

To the natural man in all of us the answer is obvious.  Nephi’s brothers have repeatedly tried to kill him.  That might explain why he is angry.  Nephi’s lament, however is spiritual.  He knows his only strength is in the Lord not in his own power or ability.  He enjoins his own heart to “rejoice” and “cry unto the Lord”.  “O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yes, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.” (2 Nephi 4:30)  He concludes, “O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever.  I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh.  Yes, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm” (2 Nephi 4:34).  His final expression of trust parallels the verse in James 1:5 that led Joseph Smith to the Sacred Grove.  “Yes, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh.  Yes, my God will give me if I ask not amiss; there I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God the rock of my righteousness.  Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God.  Amen” (2 Nephi 4:35).

This then is how the “change in our very nature” happens.  Not by our own strength but through our trust in the Lord which is renewed as we recognize and give thanks for his blessings.  Each time we choose to remember and thank the Lord for his influence in our lives the Spirit comes which both bears witness of truth and brings other blessings to our remembrance.  As we thank the Lord for that which we now remember the process repeats itself over and over enlightening our minds, and filling our souls with joy.  Our hope is not in our own strength but in the Lord’s power in the face of our weaknesses.

King Benjamin expressed it this way “…even so I would that ye should remember and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures…”  King Benjamin does not want us to despair because of our weaknesses but to trust in the Lord whose greatness and goodness strengthens us and sustains us despite our weaknesses.  He continues, “and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.”  The “mouth of the angel” spoke of redemption of Jesus Christ (Mosiah 3:3-27).  The power of God is greater than our sins and weakness.  Because of his greatness he can redeem us.  Because he is good, he desires to redeem us.  The Savior bought us with a great price.  He suffered that we might not suffer.

He has descended below all things and is in and through all things and he knows how to succor his children.  I have had occasion to talk to people in many different situations about their belief in a Higher Power.  I have asked people who have never heard of the church or its teaching, people who are caught in sin, people who are in despair and suffering.  These people have shared with me evidences of the Lord’s hand in their lives.  I have learned that what Elder Eyring said is true.  Remembrance of the Lord’s blessings combined with expressions of gratitude brings the witness of the Holy Ghost.  This can happen to anyone in any circumstance.  This can happen today or any day for all of us.  The influence of the Spirit bears witness of the Father and the Son and will eventually lead the honest in heart to a knowledge of the power of the redemption.  It begins as a shift in perception, a shift from a focus on our own strengths or weaknesses, errors, trials and suffering to a remembrance of and gratitude for the goodness and greatness of God.  The Holy Ghost bears witness of truth of the Lord’s hand in our lives which produces faith unto repentance.  The change in our nature happens the only way it can, through the power of the redemption.  The redemptive process happens whether our agony results from our own sins or from sins committed against us or from some combination of both.  The Savior suffered not only for our sins but also for our sorrow.  Mourning turns to rejoicing.

Gratitude for this process produces a change in heart.  We no longer desire to do evil but to do good continually.  We are filled with hope and perfect love (Moroni 8:26).  And so the change occurs. The remembrance King Benjamin urged was of the power of the redemption.  In the words of Elder Eyring, “And so the remembrance King Benjamin urged upon us can be ours.  Remembrance is the seed of gratitude, which is the seed of generosity.  Gratitude for the remission of sins is the seed of charity, the pure love of Christ.  And so God has made possible for you and me this blessing, a change in our very natures.”  The process is repeated and magnified each week for those who partake of his sacrament and keep their covenant to “always remember Him”.  Part of that is to always remember and return thanks for his greatness and goodness in the face of our own weakness and nothingness.  His promise is that, if we do that, we will always have his Spirit to be with us.  The constant influence of the Spirit on our minds and bodies refines and purifies us.  This process is called sanctification and it can enable us to one day to stand in the presence of God.  That is indeed a change in our very natures.  It is a change that can begin with remembrance, expressions gratitude and an experience with the Holy Ghost today.     

Blog #1004 Forgiveness

Blog #1004  Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not absolution of sin and does not imply trust. We have no power to absolve sin.  Only the Lord, Jesus Christ, can do that and even he does not just absolve sins but rather pays the price for them.  We obviously can not pay that price.  When we forgive we simply leave the other person to the Savior’s judgment for Him to forgive or condemn according to His will.  As was noted in my earlier blog (#1003) love and forgiveness can be granted regardless of merit in obedience to the commandments of God.  We are commanded to love and forgive our enemies but we are not commanded to trust them.  We are commanded to trust God and rely on Him.

Recall the story of the rich man who lent a poor man some money.  The poor man was unable to repay the debt and so the rich man had determined to confine the poor man in debtor’s prison.  The man in the story who represents the Savior offers to pay the poor man’s debt if the rich man will relinquish his right to have the poor man put in debtor’s prison.  Notice in the story that the Lord does not demand that the rich man go without payment for the debt.  The Lord does not condemn the rich man for wanting to be repaid.  He does not act as though the rich man is bad for wanting payment.  In fact, he offers to pay the debt himself.

When we are the one who has been wronged we may feel that the Lord wants us to forgive without payment.  That is not true.  He wants us to trust Him for payment.  He says in the scriptures that we will be repaid a hundred fold for the losses we suffer (D&C 98:45).  He also asks us to leave vengeance in His hands and trust Him.  He promises that “vengeance is mine and I will repay” (Romans 12:19, Mormon 3:15, 8:20).  It is the blood of the saints and of the murdered prophets, not of the sinners that cries to him for vengeance (Ether 8:22, Alma 37:30).  It is apparently not wrong for the blood of the saints and murdered prophets to cry to him for vengeance.  It is wrong for us to take vengeance. He has ask us to leave vengeance in His hands.  He says that he will forgive whom he will forgive but of us it is required that we forgive all men (D&C 64:10).  We can forgive and let vengeance and punishment be His decision.  We can let the timing be His timing. We don’t need to assume that we are bad for wanting justice or for wanting vengeance.  We can choose to trust those things to His greater wisdom and timing and relinquish our right to take action ourselves.

Blog #1003 Love and Trust

Blog #1003  Love and Trust

My last blog focused on loving another individual without trying to make that person bad or good in our minds, without condoning painful behaviors and without accepting underserved blame ourselves.  This blog is about love and trust. Love and trust are not the same thing.  While it is wonderful when you can trust those you love that is not always the case.  Love does not imply trust. Sometimes you will hear people assert that “if you really loved me or if you really forgave me, then you would trust me”.  This is not true.  It is something that abusive people often say to the people they have hurt but it is not true. We are commanded by the Savior to love our enemies.  We are also commanded to forgive.  There is no commandment that says we should trust our enemies or trust people who hurt us even though we may love and forgive them.  

For us love and forgiveness are gifts that we can give freely without condition in obedience to the Lord’s commandments.  We give those gifts not based on the merit of the individual but out of a desire to be obedient to the Lord’s will.   Conversely, there is no place in the scriptures where we are commanded to trust those that hurt us. Trust is not a gift that is granted freely without condition.  Trust is earned.  Even God does not trust until trust is earned.

Nephi the son of Heleman was one of the people in the scriptures who earned the Lord’s trust.  In Heleman 10:3-10 the Lord tells Nephi that he has been observing his behavior and has determined that Nephi "will not ask contrary to God’s will".  Because of this Nephi is granted great power.  God desires to give all of His children all that He has but He does not do that until He knows that they "will not ask contrary to His will".  

This can be a model for us that we can use in determining who we can trust.  When we have proven someone over a period of time and know that they "will not ask contrary to our will" we can give them all we have to give.  For example, with our children, when we know that a child "will not ask contrary to our will" then we can leave the younger children in their care.  When we know a child "will not ask contrary to our will" then we can let them use the family car.  When we know someone "will not ask contrary to our will" then we can share the deepest desires of our hearts or our personal resources.  Remember that love and forgiveness can be freely granted as gifts regardless of merit but trust is earned.